Vagina Rebel (small) contest

Vagina Rebel

Sometimes a vagina can be more than a vagina. Sometimes it can be freedom.

The ever-vigilant Nick Mamatas shared the URL for this new book on Facebook. Yes, it’s Vagina Rebel, by Adam Ash, whose other 2011 work is a poetry book called Suck My Poem. These both appear to be self-published affairs.

The tag line on the cover of Vagina Rebel: “In a future America ruled by the religious right, one woman fights for sexual freedom.”

I wonder if this will be more like Kathy Acker in Empire of the Senseless or more like Henry Miller’s version of what a vagina rebel might do? Um, wait–I think I know.

In any event, I almost wish this were an unreal book–a notation on Amazon for a book that will never exist and never be published. A conceptual advertisement, if you will.  Ok, that’s been done, sort of, a zillion times.

How about this instead? A small contest.

Write the possible opening lines for Vagina Rebel in the comments below, and I’ll send a literary surprise to the best, which may in fact end up being the worst.

14 thoughts on “Vagina Rebel (small) contest

  1. I’m really not sure what to make of this and I’ve read this post three times more than I’ve read A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

    I’m offended by stars and stripes bikinis

    I’m offended by guns

    I’m offended by blond hair

    That’s how I feel, but maybe those are the opening lines.

  2. I feel the need to buy this book. I just love the word vagina, so I love this post and so on. In fact, I often call my sons vaginas.

    “Vagina Rebel, the first and last woman on the planet earth to be named so as her mother lay dying after giving birth to her, her mother wanting Vagina to be savior she herself couldn’t quite be, was the only and last hope for vaginal freedom.”

  3. Greg: does that mean you’ve never read Midsummer or just have read this post a few times?

    Paul and Greg: Now, we are off to a good start.

    I keep hearing my earworm of Bob Marley’s “Soul Rebel”…

    d

  4. My vibrator is locked in a steel and concrete bunker below Washington D.C. My g-string was torched in a Dallas bonfire that lasted eight days. My former lover, all my former lovers, were hanged to commemorate the fifth anniversary of the nation’s abstinence. My freedom was taken by the hordes, by the ‘bigger-thans’ and wooden gavels. My liberty was forgotten by the televisions and satellites — my libido made illegal by the laws. My past was destroyed by the nation. My revolution begins today.

  5. This, then? This is not a breakup. This is a gob of spit in the face of boyfriends, this is a kick in the pants to husbands, lovers, fiances–what you will. I am singing for you, Vagina Rebel, a little off-key, perhaps, but singing nonetheless.

  6. Jaden just got off her shift at the strip club. She remembers a time when it was legal to take your clothes off for money. Now she risks going to jail every time she hits the stage. She tugged her white vinyl boots off and pulled her Nikes on. She put her T-shirt on over her head, stood up and zipped her Levis. She bade goodnight to her stripper friends and hoped she wouldn’t get harassed by the religidrones flying around the seedier districts. Jaden just wanted to go home and get some rest. The moral majority was actually a real majority now and the Puritanical party had taken over and replaced the more business-minded Republicans. As Jaden approached her car a woman’s voice called out to her from an alleyway. It wasn’t a distressed voice. The voice was alluring. It was sultry. Jaden looked into the darkened ribbon of brick and blacktop and couldn’t see anything. The woman called again, this time calling her name, “Jaden!” Jaden had no idea she was about to be transformed into the superhero, Vagina Rebel.

  7. “IF YOU CAN’T SELL IT, DEF-AULT SWAPPIT’ HOMEGIRL!” quote bubbles Moneysha Trancheworth (last year’s poster teller for quaternary market titan American Re-insurance Golem (ARG), marketing to the 5-tug 10-suck 20-ride street walkers of [future America] their new financial product: the CPDS (collaterilized pussy default swap)) off the smoggy backside of a parish 8 — runnin’ late — city bus.

  8. The winner-after much consideration that lasted all week–the aptly named Adam Dick.

    Congratulations to all the Vagina Rebels who offered their deathless vagina prose. Together, we can overcome.

    Adam: write me here–dschneid@lakeforest.edu–with your address and you shall receive your prize: a copy of my novel Blank, inscribed with your very own vagina words on one of its blank pages.

  9. Thanks very much, Davis! I emailed you but was SPAM-blocked, how very apropos. I facebooked you my info. Thanks again. I should be up in the LFC area sometime soon. Let’s grab a tea, coffee, etc.

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