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Every tour needs groupies. Be one and get pictures of sexual diseases.

This is a guest post by Caleb J Ross as part of his Stranger Will Tour for Strange blog tour. His goal is to post at a different blog every few days beginning with the release of his novel Stranger Will in March 2011 to the release of his second novel, I Didn’t Mean to Be Kevin in November 2011. If you have connections to a lit blog of any type, professional journal or personal site, please contact him. He would love to compromise your integrity for a day. To be a groupie and follow this tour, subscribe to the Caleb J Ross blog RSS feed. Follow him on Twitter: @calebjross.com. Friend him on Facebook: Facebook.com/rosscaleb

Since Big Other was kind enough to offer me two spots on this skankily named Stranger Will Tour for Strange blog tour, I figure the best way to leverage that generosity for my own personal gain would be to 1) pander to the editors, and 2) bookend the tour with exclusive before and after content meant to inflate my ego into the realm of rock star in an attempt to legitimize this virtual tour as an actual tour.

J.A Tyler is a beautiful man. And did you know Ryan W. Bradley smells like cinnamon gum and compassion? Also, I am a rock star.

The before is understandably lame in comparison to the impending after. I’m sitting at home, spilling mild genius all over my computer screen. My butler is kissing my child and wife goodbye for me. I’ve recorded some credits footage for the behind-the-scenes dvd (mostly shots of me playing guitar while my road crew prays in a circle behind me before some unnamed big show). And I’ve got three hookers packing my bags, with two, hotter hookers unpacking them.

I love the infinite online literary community. I simply love that it exists. And that’s what this blog tour is about; spreading my diseases to as much of the community as possible. Street cred bonus if I pick up a few herpes (bookworms?) along the way. But as much as I may take home a few crawlies, this tour is about spreading the love as well. That’s why I’ve put together a very special package for a very special groupie. This is for real, so read closely.

The package to be given away will include:

1.      A VERY GRAPHIC PHOTO FILLED book about sexual disease called Color Atlas and Synopsis of Sexually Transmitted Diseases. Seriously, this book makes me queasy.

2.      A used t-shirt from the 1999 Goo Goo Dolls Dizzy Up the Girl tour. Why? Because I can’t go on living with this thing in my closet.

3.      Cecada’s debut EP, Fog at Midnight. This one, unlike the Goo Goo Dolls t-shirt, is not ironic and is actually an incredible album. I’m just sharing the wealth with this item.

4.      A paperback copy of Stranger Will, possibly slathered in my own DNA, definitely slathered in a personal inscription

5.      An 11” x 16” poster from the 1970 movie “I Am a Groupie.”

Blurry-headed cat not included (unless you want her)

So how do you become a groupie? Simply comment on every blog post I make during the Stranger Will Tour for Strange, beginning with this one and ending with my second Big Other stop, to be posted in November 2011. That’s it. Then, after the tour is complete, send me an email to let me know you are qualified, and if my roadies agree that you’ve skanked your way into every blog, you get a groupie prize. If more than one person qualifies for this prize, I’ll randomly draw a name to receive this package. But I WILL MAKE SURE that every qualified person gets something cool. It might not be as cool as a vomit-inducing book and a 1970s movie poster print, but it will be close.


109 thoughts on “Every tour needs groupies. Be one and get pictures of sexual diseases.

  1. Such a classy way of promotion in such a sleazy way. Love it. One eon from now, when I’ve finally finished my piece of trash novel, I’ll have to hire you to help my marketing campaign. You know, after you’ve done Behind the Acknowledgments, Writer’s Fit Club, and BookTV Honors.

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